Dealing with Temptation

Being freed from sexual sin does not imply that there is no temptation. I still have urges, desires, thoughts, and a sinful flesh. But that doesn't mean I have to gratify these urges. In my new nature, the Lord gives me grace to take captive thoughts and put to death sinful desires.

2 Co 10:5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.

Christ gives us the power to take our "thoughts captive to obey Him." Now, I don't mean imply that all sexual urges are evil, for it is good for a man to notice a woman's beauty. The second look is the usually the lustful one. It's also good for man to love his wife through sex and enjoying every bit of it. But for those of us who are single, like me, we are called to a standard that only God's grace allows us to work towards through Christ's fulfillment of the law. What is His standard?

Eph. 5:3 But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.

"Not even a hint" are strong words that we can't fulfill in our own power. But in God's grace, there is power to live to this calling.

So, what are we to do when we are tempted? Have you even been so tempted that you just couldn't bear it and had to give in? I remember that when I "felt the burn" in my head, I was done for. Trying to resist myself was futile. So, what does God command us to do when we feel weak and tempted to sin against Him?

1Co 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.

Flee! For temptation to turn to sin, you must have the opportunity. If you remove your opportunity to sin, then you won't sin. The Word tells us to flee from our sin. Why not sit there and bare it? How does that usually end up? We may fight for a few hours or so, but eventually we give in as we always have. For us to sit there and bare it using will power is ultimately relying in our own power to stop sin. This is useless and very far away from God. God never meant for us to bare sin and resist. He knows our flesh is weak, and if we're in a tempting situation, then we need to get out!

Where do we go? We must go somewhere. Sexual temptation likes to be kept alone, so what can you do about it? Go to the Word of God. Here's what Jesus did when He was in the wilderness for 40 days.

Mat 4:3 -11 And the tempter came and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread." But he answered, "It is written, "'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, "If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, "'He will command his angels concerning you,' and "'On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.'" Jesus said to him, "Again it is written, 'You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.'" Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me." Then Jesus said to him, "Be gone, Satan! For it is written, "'You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.'" Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him.

To resist temptation, Jesus appealed to scripture. It has the power to destroy temptation. It can truly fill your heart and turn you away from gratifying sinful desires. God's word is Jesus Himself. He is the Word, and He can free you from your sins. Don't miss the power of God's Word!

What else cuts off temptation? Confession and cutting off sources. Confessing your sins to other believers brings sin out into the light and cuts into it's power. Cutting off "food" for your flesh to gratify itself on is also crucial. I'll have a whole post about this one, but for now let me give you an example. My biggest problems with sexual sins were with the computer and pornography. I would stay up really late and fill myself with pornography until I gratified myself. What I've done to cut off my access is that I installed a filter on my computer. This filter, Safe Eyes, blocks websites I don't belong on and even has accountability built into it.

So, temptation is inevitable. But giving in is not. May the Lord's grace be with you so that you can fight your temptation by fleeing to His word, cutting off your sources, and confessing to other believers.

Humbled to Death

Confessing sins of pornography is humbling. I was enslaved to it for about 8 years (that and sexual immorality too). But the Lord humbled me from a place of pride, of theological knowledge, of dead works, and of ignorance to serve his people.

I need Christ now more than ever, and I say these things from a low position for I am merely a cleansed sheep. I know what I was and how wretched my flesh is, even as it still tries to quench itself. This should be a very bad time for me, knowing that I lost my fiancee. My sin offended the Lord and her so much, that he separated us for good. The Lord wanted me for his purposes, and one of those is to be humbled before Him. And in this I enjoy of the grace of God through His work.

So, what the Word say about humbling ourselves?

Psa 25:9 He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.
Psa 34:2 My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad.
Psa 55:19 God will give ear and humble them, he who is enthroned from of old, Selah because they do not change and do not fear God.
Psa 69:32 When the humble see it they will be glad; you who seek God, let your hearts revive.
Psa 147:6 The LORD lifts up the humble; he casts the wicked to the ground.

We see that the Lord responds to the humble. The Lord fills the humble and they will be glad. The Lord lifts up the humble and also destroys the wicked. Read Psalm 51 too.

It was humiliating to have to tell all those people about my lost fiancee. It was awful to confess to my close friends that I was enslaved to pornography and lust for over 8 years. But the Lord saw my humility (which he gave me even that!) and rescued me to lift up my Spirits for his purposes.

Here are some more verses:

Pro 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.
Deu 8:2 And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not.
2Ch 33:23 And he did not humble himself before the LORD, as Manasseh his father had humbled himself, but this Amon incurred guilt more and more.

We see in these verses that pride leads to disgrace, but the Lord blesses the humble with wisdom. Also, refusing a humbling spirit leads to increased guilt. Friends, I totally identify with this position. I was respected in my church, knew a lot of theology, thought myself wise, and accrued so much guilt that I stopped trying. The guilt was such a burden even though my life looked great with a good job and a beautiful fiancee. But the Lord humbled me by taking away what I loved most, and drew me to Him.

How does the Lord address humility in the New Testament? With Jesus. No question about it.

Mat 21:5 "Say to the daughter of Zion, 'Behold, your king is coming to you, humble, and mounted on a donkey, and on a colt, the foal of a beast of burden.'"
Php 2:8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

Jesus, THE Son of God, humbled himself to save us! Don't miss this for it is so profound. The Lord came down from Heaven and "became obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross." Wow, how can I be self-exalting when the Lord was humble to the Father?

Here's my prayer: "Lord, make me low, very low before You, the Creator. Make me in awe of your grace and Jesus's decent on Earth. And not just that He came, but He also gave his life for us! How many times have I wanted to go serve somewhere, but not get my hands and knees dirty? Lord, I look to You, receiving the grace you give me. Thank you for your perfect sacrifice! Humble me before you!"

Here is how Paul was humbled:

2Co 12:21 I fear that when I come again my God may humble me before you, and I may have to mourn over many of those who sinned earlier and have not repented of the impurity, sexual immorality, and sensuality that they have practiced.

And hear the voice of Jesus:

Luk 18:14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted."

I am weak in my flesh, yet the Lord gives me new desires for Him. Humility, yes, but not keeping focus on myself. I look to Jesus and press forward, in nothing else but His grace, for it is not I who is doing these things, but the Lord. Humble yourself before the Lord. Get on your knees!

Jesus Christ

I've written a lot about what God has done for me in my freedom from sexual sin. But now I will veer more specifically into who Jesus Christ is and what he did.

Jesus Christ was in relationship with God in the beginning. Gen 1:26 Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." This shows that our God is a relational God. Since were made in His image, it is good for us to desire relationship with Him and with others. Jesus is God and was with God from the beginning.

You know the story of Abraham and Isaac?

Gen 22:2 He said, "Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you." Can you imagine how much Abraham loved Isaac - the promised child of the Covenant - and after all those years?

Gen 22:6 And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son. And he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So they went both of them together. Abraham trusted in the Lord, a trust that only the Lord could give him.

Gen 22:7 And Isaac said to his father Abraham, "My father!" And he said, "Here am I, my son." He said, "Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?"
Gen 22:8 Abraham said, "God will provide for himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son." So they went both of them together. Even when Isaac was wondering what was going on, Abraham was firm in the Lord because He trusted and loved the Lord more than he loved his son. But look at what he says in bold! God provided a replacement for Isaac, and that replacement was a ram. But the ultimate replacement was Jesus Christ.

I love how the Lord foreshadows Christ throughout the Old Testament! But what God didn't ask Abraham (or us) to do, He did Himself. Please don't miss this. The story isn't about how strong Abraham was, it's about what God's willing to do for us. He loved us so much that He was willing to sacrifice His only Son so that we might also be sons and daughter with Him!

So, God's up in Heaven, completely self-sufficient (He wouldn't be God if relied on anything else), doesn't need us, and we're surely guilty of failing His law. But out of His mercy and grace, He came to save us.

Eph 2:1-7 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience-- among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved-- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Now, Jesus was God and he came down from Heaven to earth. Think on that for a minute. Bill Gates donating away all his stock, ownership, and bank accounts and living in a slum to help people does not approach what Christ did. That may be why Christ didn't mind going lower than the Jews were willing to go - to the prostitutes, tax collectors, murderers - the "sinners". He saw it all as gross and messy, yet loved us anyway.

Jesus Christ humbled himself lower than we have to when we confess that we masturbate or look at pornography. Like Abraham had faith that God gave him, God can give you faith and grace to overcome temptation and become free from sin - all by his grace.

This is the Christ:

Rev 1:12-18 Then I turned to see the voice that was speaking to me, and on turning I saw seven golden lampstands, and in the midst of the lampstands one like a son of man, clothed with a long robe and with a golden sash around his chest. The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength. When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me, saying, "Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades...."

Christ came to conquer sin and death. He can surely free you from sexual sin. Free indeed.

Replace not Resist

Friends,
I want to urge you in the Lord that He is glorious and can graciously free you from your sins, especially your sexual sins, which you some of you might feel enslaved. His grace is the only hope I had to become free from all forms of sexual impurity, and it stems from a heart issue, not a moral issue.

The way most people want to deal with addictions now is to get into a recovery program where they are weaned off and consider themselves "recovering addicts." Let me assure you, I'm not recovering or was weaned in any way. I am free indeed. I did not have to "sweat" it out and resist the intense temptation and the burn, or else I would have surely fallen by now.

Over the last 2 months, I've gained freedom by complete and utter reliance on the Lord. And before I'm guilty of pride, let me assure you that this is not of me, but of the Lord. He did this work in me so that I might be a slave to Him - reaching others like me, who are powerless in their addiction to pornography.

So, where does replace come into play here and why is it important. God made us with a void. Just today, I was outside grilling some chicken, and I neighbor walked up as he had been accidentally locked out of his apartment. He wanted to use my phone to call his fiancee to let him back in. He sounded desperate saying, "Honey, you must have locked me out, and I have nothing out here with me, no phone, drink, computer, but thank God I have a few cigarettes left. Please hurry back and let me in." His pursuit of self-fulfillment was failing as he feel in despair of merely being locked out.

So, if you want to quit pornography, you can't do it... in your own power and not without filling yourself with something else. If it's not porn, then it's sexual immorality, or something else entirely: work, buying stuff, alcohol, etc. Whatever will give us a quick fix. Note: I'm not saying that these things are bad, as I work, buy stuff, and have drinks occasionally. What I'm saying is that I do feel tempted to fill myself with those things and they never satisfy.

In order to be truly satisfies, we must fill ourselves with the Lord.

¹³ Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,¹⁴ but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." John 4:13-14

We must go to the Lord Jesus in His word for fulfillment. Honestly, I grew up in the church, but I never really understood what the Psalmists were talking about when they really delighted in the Lord and on his law. The law just made me guilty and feel like I couldn't approach God. And it's true, I can't approach God as long as I try to live up to the law. But Jesus died so that I can approach God in that I'm forgiven and have turned from my sins, again this God has given me.

So, we must begin by replacing our desires for pornography and sexual immorality with the pursuit of the Lord by primarily reading his Word. And we must pray to God that he would do this. We will never stop our desires by just trying to resist, we must go to the Word and "feast."

Feasting is something I've learned to do through Setting Captives Free. Basically, I read a passage (a few chapters) at a time, and the Lord fills me with the Spirit. This contrasts with legalism in that I'm not keeping a record or rewarding myself by thinking I'm proud of how many times I read. This kept me from reading in the first place.

I'm trying to appeal to the fact that we all want something to satisfy us, and the Word of God does this! I NEED his word every day, as much as I need to eat physical food. And I go to it, not out of selfish ambition or prideful arrogance of being a "good" Christian, but I go out of a needy, humble, and broken spirit, delighting in something greater than pure gold and especially something greater than pornography.

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
² Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
³ Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David. - Isaiah 55:1 – 3

What is a Sexual Addiction?

Sexual addiction is characterized by a person's inability to stop being sexually compulsive. They have no power in themselves to stop their actions even though they may wish to do so. Christian or non-Christian, this applies. These behaviors include viewing pornography, masturbating, sex chatting, prostitution, and others. Also, being sexually active (outside of marriage) feeds the addiction.

I don't view it as an addiction as much as I view it as a sin struggle. Our flesh is insatiable and our desires are uncontrollable. This is a sin issue more so than an addiction. When we think we're satisfied, soon we feel the desires burning again to gratify ourselves.

This all has to do with our hearts and desires. God made us with a heart that longs and feels emotions. He made it such that we would will it with Him. Here's what happened when we refused to fill ourselves with the Lord.

For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things. Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. Romans 1:18-25

It says that God gave us over to our sinful lusts. I can totally identify with that because I know how many countless hours I spent in front of the TV/computer after my family had gone to sleep.

Whether you are a Christian or non-Christian now, we are not stuck in this type of life. Jesus came to save the world from their sins. He didn't come so we can think we are forgiven and continuing living apart from God. He didn't come so everyone can do whatever they want and everyone's going to heaven anyway. He certainly came with purpose and in love.

His power is greater than that of a porn addiction.

Summer of Freedom

I was addicted to pornography, self-gratification, and sexual immorality since the time I started puberty until I finished Setting Captives Free in the summer of 2007. Here's my story of how the Lord set me free.

Like many of my friends, I was enslaved to the point that I could not get free. I had no control over my desires and my actions when it came to pornography and sexual immorality. It owned me like I was its slave. I am reminded of the Psalmist:

10 Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains 11 for they had rebelled against the words of God and despised the counsel of the Most High. 12 So he subjected them to bitter labor; they stumbled, and there was no one to help. Psalm 107:10-12

The eye is not satisfied with seeing nor the ear filled with hearing. Ecc. 1:8b

I can't count how many hours I wasted (definitely in the thousands) staying up late to view pornography on the TV or the computer. Also, I'm reminded of how long I'd spend with my fiancee, trying to please each other with our bodies. There are many lies of pornography, self-gratification, and sexual immorality that we justify to ourselves: It satisfies; it will relieve stress; it's just a natural expression of young men; everyone is doing it, so you should keep on doing it.

But one particularly heavy lie kept me under for so long. It's best explained as if it's telling me, "Matt, do you honestly think you can stop this? You've been stuck in this for almost a decade now. How dare you have the audacity to even think you can quit! Good luck trying, but there's nothing out there that can stop you from this. And if you try, I'll be burning you with desire like you've never felt before, and you'll give in like you always have."

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36

I didn't believe this verse even though I was in the church my entire life. I recognized that I'd always cry out to God, but because I wasn't willing to repent or turn from my sins, I continued in my sins. The following passage revealed to me that our God does not tolerate idolatry and sexual immorality.

7 I thought that after she had done all this she would return to me but she did not, and her unfaithful sister Judah saw it. 8 I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries. Yet I saw that her unfaithful sister Judah had no fear; she also went out and committed adultery. 9 Because Israel's immorality mattered so little to her, she defiled the land and committed adultery with stone and wood. Jeremiah 3:7-9

I always thought that our God was so unconditional that I could try really hard not to sin and justify continuing to go back to the Lord after sinning, asking for forgiveness. However, I'd abuse this forgiveness by returning to my sins soon, even that same night. Guilt is a horrible motivator.

So, my life was one of self-deprecation, self-loathing, self-pity, guilt, and shame. I only focused on myself and how I wasn't reading the Word, respecting my fiancée, or serving anyone to the standard that I had in my head that would be good enough for me to feel justified. I call this lifestyle failed legalism as I couldn't do anything spiritual well at all on my own, so all my efforts were in vain and ineffective in fighting sin. My failures were miserable and continuous. My self-pity was the only thing that made me sound spiritual, but there was no growth, maturing, or encouragement to other believers. All of this was fueled by sexual sin with my fiancée and a strong focus on me instead of on Jesus.

20Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: 21"Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? 22These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. 23Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence. Colossians 2:20-23

I tried everything except for complete submission to the Lord to stop my horrific 8 year long slavery. I tried rules, books, seminars, behavior modification counseling, support groups, but all were empty and had no power over the sin. Eventually, I started to confess my sins to close friends, and I even got a filter on my computer, but I continued to masturbate and indulge in my fiancée.

Finally, over the summer before my wedding (5 months to go), my fiancée became very frustrated with my behavior and disrespect towards God as she threatened to end the relationship. I began to cry out to God AND express desire to hate my sin AND be willing to turn from it, which he gave me. The Lord, by his grace, led me to Setting Captives Free (SCF). I came there primarily though to save my future marriage. How quickly the Lord corrected my motives! Soon, they were to glorify Him.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Mat. 7:7-8

I asked for grace, which I finally understood what it was. Grace is God's power to stop a sinner from sinning, no matter how long or how deeply ingrained the sin was in a persons life. I asked for dependence, not strength. Sometimes we ask God for strength to be able to fight sin on our own. But God revealed to me that I need to seek neediness and desire for Him.

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work." 2 Cor. 9:8

I also learned what faith was: That I had no other reason to believe I could be set free other than to take God for his word. I was so self-sufficient that I missed what having faith really was. And I didn't get it on my own, but God gave it to me.

The Lord also changed my desires. He gave me a heart that seeks after Him. SCF showed me how to read God's word. Before, I always struggled with reading because it bored me and I fell asleep, even though I was at church my whole life. It was another area of failed legalism. But through SCF, the Lord showed me what "feasting" is all about. We are all seeking fulfillment all day long. Many of us fall to pornography because we think it will fill us – but it is only temporary.

"Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
² Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.
³ Give ear and come to me;
hear me, that your soul may live.
I will make an everlasting covenant with you,
my faithful love promised to David. - Isaiah 55:1 – 3

God's water in Jesus is the only water that can satisfy. In Him, I can have rest and satisfaction. This is important because I'm no longer having to intensely resist temptation based on will power because the Lord is satisfying my heart. I desperately need the Lord and his Word as much and as often as I need physical food.

Did all of this cost me? Yes, it did. I lost my fiancée. She eventually decided to leave me as I had ruined any respect she had for me as a man of God. But now I see my life as a living sacrifice to God to be content in my singleness and help others who are struggling with sexual sin. He's given me a calling and a purpose now as I'm resting in Him by his grace. I now seek neediness and dependence for the Lord as his slave - all by His grace.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. ² Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1-2

I will end with the rest of the passage from the Psalmist from my first scriptural quote. The Lord can and will set you free, indeed. Pornography is very powerful, and that's why our Lord had to die to free us from it's power.

13 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. 14 He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. 1 5 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men, 16 for he breaks down gates of bronze and cuts through bars of iron. Psalm 107:13-16

I hope you saw the following truths in my testimony:

1. God is so much more powerful than an addiction to pornography.
2. God's grace is the power to stop of sinner from sinning.
   
3. Jesus had to die to save us from our sins.